How Autoimmune Disease & AIP Changed My Marriage: Podcast Season 2, Episode 5

“I was a strong woman, and I only knew how to be one version of strong…and that was the woman my husband fell in love with.”

Shanna has been married to her husband for 18 years.

Together they have spent over a decade of their union also married to autoimmune disease.

Shanna is the lovely blogger behind Wellness Unraveled, and the fabulous YouTuber of Shanna Nemrow: Finding Joy on the Autoimmune Protocol. You can grab her free eBook, Autoimmune Habits right here, and learn her daily autoimmune habits that help her find joy while living with autoimmune disease.

Her undiagnosed heath struggles had become progressively worse during a time when there was not much information around concerning autoimmunity, and neither her nor her husband  knew exactly what chronic illness was, or how to handle its challenges.

Shanna and I, both autoimmune patients, talk about our common previous feelings of: guilt for resting; not wanting to disappoint our partner; and how those feelings have transitioned for the better. She chats about the need to be honest about how she feels with her partner, especially when her AI has her exhausted.

Listen in on how living with an autoimmune disease, and particularly adapting to the AIP diet lifestyle, has changed and strengthened not just her perspective, but also created a stronger marriage.

You can use the audio player below to listen.

Please scroll down for the episode transcription and show notes.

SHOW NOTES

*Please note that this automated transcription contains errors, omissions, and spelling mistakes.*

Well , hey , all I’m back with another podcast Season two And today I am talking with Shanna Nemrow from Wellness Unraveled . A real sweet lady and I can’t wait for you all to get to meet her in this podcast . Ah , now , Shana After over a decade of progressively worsening health struggles and finally hitting her rock bottom , she was diagnosed with the auto immune disease . Hashimoto’s thyroiditis . So you’re a hashi buddy of mine

I am, we’re Hashi Sisters

We are! Within days of your diagnosis , you went to work developing habits and adopting the Autoimmune Protocol , also known as the A I p . In an effort to find relief from your auto immune systems . Naturally . And guess what ? It worked right ?

It worked .

Shana loves sharing her story raising awareness for living while with auto immune disease and also offering love and support . And in her free time , you confined her enjoying nature , walks with their husband , cheering her son on at his baseball games , taking her daughter rock climbing . Oh , my daughter does not like rock climbing way should get them together

Maybe good to balance each other out . My daughter likes it way too much!

And you also like to take road trips . Play with your two boxers , snowboarding and reading books , and you’re currently in the nutritional therapy practitioner program . And if any of you listeners want to connect with Shana , you confined her blog at Wellness Unraveled . I’ll leave a link in the show notes for you guys to find her , as well as the links for her Instagram and her YouTube channel , which is awesome . And she also has a free e book that you can sign up for called Autoimmune Habits on her website . Go check that out! Shana, It’s really awesome to have you on the podcast today . Have been looking forward to it . How are you doing today ?

Oh , I’m doing so great . Thank you so much for having me . I have been so excited A sit and chat with you . And I just love talking on immunity and wellness . And so thanks for having me . It’s such a pleasure .

You know , I love chatting so much about this because I guess for the longest time , I I didn’t know what was going on . And then when I did find out , I just couldn’t wait . Like , share , this with the world , like , you don’t have to do this , and you don’t have to feel like this . So I’m I love having talks with other people about it , too .

When I first started this podcast , it was just me talking myself for the first couple of times , and I’m like , I think ever was gonna get tired of hearing he rambled , huh ? It’s nice Ah , to go back and forth with someone . And even though we have , you and me have the same autoimmune disease . We have different experiences .

You know , we do , we do . And that’s what’s so interesting to that . Even though we can be on the same , you know , health , journey , wellness and journey . Our experiences air so different . And so it’s so great to be able to , you know , sit and talk with each other and learn from each other . And , you know , different stories resonate with different people . And so I think that , you know , the more we can talk and raise awareness and share stories that the more love and support that we can offer each other . I just think it’s so important

Exactly . And , you know , I found that for the most part , this has been the most connected I felt to people , even though I’m pretty much isolated all the time . I’m really grateful for you . For all the people that I’ve met , all the bloggers and all the people in the community to , it’s just amazing . Another person that I am grateful for is my partner . I got lucky , I think . But even with us , as much as he’s been able to understand what I’m going through , there still been , um , some misunderstandings , too , because when you get sick or if you begin a relationship , I think maybe at least when you think you’re pretty healthy and then there’s the big health crash , I think some of the common perceptions or expectations that we have in a relationship can really change , and you really become aware of that . And I know I read that blog post of yours that you wrote about how ah , your auto immune disease and not just the autoimmune disease but itself , but also doing the AIP protocol and affected your relationship and your marriage . And it really touched me because it’s so true . And like I said , as supportive as my partner has always been for me , it’s still there were a lot of challenges . So I know you dealt with undiagnosed health struggles during a large part of your marriage . How has that been for you ? And also , how has it been for your husband ?

Yeah . So , you know , dealing with undiagnosed health struggles for a large part of my marriage was incredibly difficult . So I’ve been married for over 18 years . My husband I were babies when we got married . I was 19 . He was 21 . Now I cringe to think about my kids getting to that age , but it would express , um but over a decade of those of our 18 year marriage , you know , I dealt with progressively worth worse health struggles , and it was difficult for me because I didn’t understand what was going on . I really had no frame of reference . I had no recollection of ever hearing about autoimmune disease . I didn’t know that chronic illness was even a thing . I simply knew that I didn’t feel right . And then on top of just not feeling right , I would just get sick on and on again , like just regular illnesses . I have , you know , fight off one illness , and then I’d feel the beginnings of another illness . And so I just felt like I was on this never ending roller coaster of feeling unwell and illness . And , you know , I’m an external processor , meaning it really helps me when I talk beings owl , and it helps me to understand what’s going on , and and my husband , I would try to talk to him about it and , um , but he’s rarely sick . He’s basically like a picture of health . And so it was really hard for me to open up to him about it because as much as I didn’t understand , he didn’t understand , either . He didn’t have a frame of reference . He didn’t know what chronic illness was , either , and so to me , for a while , it felt like it’s just a constant stream of complaining . And so in time I just stopped . I kind of stopped talking about it , and I just I would go in and in and I’d see my regular doctor because I didn’t know there was other options and my doctor would run just like basic tests . I usually go in once or twice a year . You know , with these symptoms , and my doctor be like you’re fine , you’re fine . So I didn’t have a diagnosis for many , many years , and and as hard as it was for me to not understand , it was incredibly hard for my husband . And I understand either because , like , for example , he would wake up in the morning at , like , three in the morning , and we were living in Southern California at the time . We just moved away from Southern California couple months ago , but , um , he would wake up at three . In the morning . He had a canoe . He’d go to an hour of crossfit , that he’d work hard all day , drive back home , and he will have known that I woke up way later that I was , you know , home with the kids . I home school then and I do accounting . I was doing accounting from home , and yet he would get home in the afternoon and I would be , like , done in the afternoon , like stick of working me . I’m done . I exhausted . I’m overcome with all of these symptoms . And so I’d lay down in bed and either take a nap or just feeling down and he would get home about that time . And he would be thinking I woke up at 3 a.m. I’d across the I commuted . I’ve been at work all day and I feel great , like , what is going on with you , babe ? You know , and he didn’t say that , but I felt that . And so in time I started to try to hide just how much I needed a rest . And I did it . It wasn’t this , like , conscious choice I made . I just We were busy . We have busy lives . I don’t know what’s going on . And so I just started , ah , to kind of hide how much I felt unwell because I couldn’t find answers . And so , being undiagnosed , it was definitely difficult on me on him and are an on our relationship .

That part that you just mentioned. Um , I swear , even to this day , even though I’m feeling much better now , it would always be like right before he was going to get home that I’m like , I need to take a nap . And now it’s usually thus is when I’m done with my blog’s stuff and the dishes are done or empty the dishwasher because he’ll fill them up and dinner’s been prepped or whatever . All the things I needed to d’oh and then I sit down on the couch never finished . Five minutes later , I hear the key in the door . Yeah , I’m sitting there like , I promise I’ve been busy . I , uh it never failed .

It’s true . And , you know , I got to where I would listen , you know , for the garage are listen for the door because I didn’t want him to find me in bed again and again and again . And I mean , it wasn’t once it was day after day after day for a long time . And so I mean , I looking back , I really didn’t need to be honest about where I was and I needed it , even though I didn’t know there were things like naturopath or functional medical doctors . I should have done something a lot sooner because the way I was living was not the best for a relationship , either , because I was trying to hide things , and so it it was hard .

And I think that’s it’s fairly common whether in room a relationship or not to feel guilt , because there’s so much pressure that we’re kind of ingrained with at a younger age and society . I won’t go too deep here , Um , but you know the work , hard play hard mentality that you’re supposed to give it your all , no matter how exhausted you are and and that in itself , contributing to triggering autoimmune disease . And then after we get autoimmune disease , undiagnosed or not , I think the beginning Most of us still wanna push for the way we were before because , you know , we don’t want to be seen as lazy , and we don’t want to think of ourselves that way when in reality we need to do the exact opposite . It doesn’t come immediately . It’s not an instant skill that we learn , you know , I think it just comes with time and realizing what our bodies are and are not capable of and with our partners to . I’m glad I have a good one . I used to not have a good one . Um ah , but it’s good to have someone that believes me and notices like , Okay , you’re obviously not just excuse the phrase , but eating bon bons and watching soap operas .

Yes , you’ve been you know , he notices the house is clean , not all the time . But sometimes there’s more important things to do . Like rest . My partner takes notice and I love how you brought up Well , the guilt factor . Because I felt that too over the years for , you know , quite a bit . And I really only had this one picture in my mind of what strength looked like And it was , like you said , pushing myself , pushing myself and trying to accomplish this crazy , crazy to do list . I had no business even trying to do and and so when my body started saying Enough , I cannot do this anymore . I was so afraid of being weak like strength was one of my identity is like I was a strong . I was a strong women and I only knew how to be one version of strong And that was the woman that my husband fell in love with . And so when when I started feeling weak , it was a trigger for me that I didn’t want to be that way . And it took me a lot of time to realize and understand that that wasn’t , you know , taking time to arrest communicating my needs . Setting boundaries is not weak at all . That’s incredible kind of strength . And my husband loves this new strength that I have . And maybe it looks completely different than the other , more traditional kind of strength . But but , you know , taking time to rest and no limits and communicate that’s not weak at all . And so for me , it was important that I realized that so I can try to let go of that , Gil . And I won’t say I’m always perfect at it , you know ? But , um , I’m much better at trying to let go of that guilt and release those negative feelings .

Progress , not perfection , right ?

Exactly . Particularly the diet part .

Curious how adapting your diet to the AP may have changed your relationship .

Okay , so , yeah , I’m adopting the A I P changed our relationship actually quite a bit So prior to my diagnosis , my husband I were very in sync with each other as far as the way that we ate our lifestyle , our hobbies . We loved the same foods . We both loved intense workouts . We love doing all the same thing . So on top of being in love with each other , we were very much best friends in the sense that we were kind of attached at the hip . Um , And then suddenly everything changed . You know , I did hit my rock bottom , and within days of my diagnosis , I did start the AIP . And , you know , suddenly I ate very , very different than him . And at the beginning , you know , it was not pretty . Um , I was trying to break sugar cravings . I had years of emotional eating I was trying to work through . I was trying to learn how to cook cleanly , and this was on top of feeling at my worst . And so I was kind of a hot , all kinds of a hot mess . And then you add to that my husband and you know , our change in our relationship . And , you know , he he didn’t understand at first , um , anything about autoimmune disease are the AIP . I wonder if he thought it was a little woo hoo , you know , because we’re very much more of the Western medicine mindset . There were a number of changes , and I think that one of the one of the biggest changes was eating out . So we were very used to , you know , we have had a busy , busy life’s with our kids , and we’re very much , you know , had all of our favorite places that we go eat out our grab dinner and we do that a few times a week . And so it was hard to break that habit on . And then also our date night . So my husband I for years Friday nights word eight nights like that was our time to , you know , just be with each other . You know , we always went to the same Mexican restaurant . It was like our favorite . We loved it and it was overlooking a lake and be always said at the same time , you know , table on the patio and we get our big basket of chips and salsa and we’d order favorite foods . Mine was like carne asada , you know , deep fried taquitos of extra cheese and guacamole . Lady and beans with extra cheese . I love cheese if you can’t tell cheese extra to use and rice and then I’d like top it off with , like , deep fried ice cream or something sometimes , you know , like totally not happy at all . And so But that was our thing . Like , that was our tradition , Like every Friday night . You know where to find us , Like that’s where we’re at . And it was as much as it was about food . It was also about just talking than looking out at the lake and just like that was our place where we , like , unwound and distressed and took our cares off . We did stop date nights at my rock bottom because obviously I was not well enough . But once I started feeling better on the AIP , we swear , like lets do date nights again , you know ? And it was so hard because we had our place and they did not have anything on the menu that was AIP.

There’s no way that I’ve discovered to go to a Mexican restaurant and have an AIP meal because there’s corn , dairy gluten , night shades , fruit based spices and then…well ice cream is dairy , right ? Cane sugar . I’m like , maybe like a piece of lettuce?

Right . If you have a site of fruit like , Oh , my gosh. I love Mexican food too . So that was like a dagger to the heart with the food . But then also , like spending that time with my man like that was our jam , you know ? And so it took us time to light , like we would try other restaurants living in Southern California . There were actually a few we never found , like our new place that we loved . And we’re still trying to find , you know , that place . But I found that when we focused our date nights more on activities that that that really helps . So , like we like to go , like on a hike, like not a crazy hike , just like a nature hike , you know , are to see a movie or off roading . We loved off road . You know , we pack a picnic are our shopping or those types of things where it’s more activity based. I will say that , you know , as hard as the A P has been on us , it’s it’s really pushed us to grow and to become stronger . And so I am grateful for that . As comforting is that consistency can be .

You know , I’m just imagining you all in the restaurant and like. And I love this view , and this is my seat , you know , and you know that that’s gonna happen . And you look forward to that , and it gets kind of all thrown out the window, unless you just want to sit there and sip on an ice tea…when that’s not fun when you’re smelling , you know , fried bean burrito , right ? We noticed that shift , too , because when we first started dating , I was just starting just starting to feel a little bit sick . I mean , I had been sick my whole life looking back , but this is like the big crash going down . So I remember we would go out to eat . Um , Cheesecake Factory, we would try new restaurants , and we actually ended up gaining a ton of weight together . And But , you know , that was like our thing that we did…checked out new restaurants and beyond Cheesecake Factory like we would try little holes in the wall and stuff . And then when I realized that I really needed to , take a step back and do the elimination by it , I mean , that was pretty much out . There’s no options . And when I would try and go out to eat , it was very stressful . And I sometimes I’d break down in tears because , you know , you tell the waiter or the waitress or the server you know I can’t have this this and this and you already feel kind of like , Ah , just hide me in the corner now And then they asked more questions , and then you get a chance that it’s cross contaminated or it comes to you and it’s completely wrong and you’re like , I just give up . This is not fun anymore . But those activities have been our saving grace to like one of our favorite things to do. We haven’t done it in a while is like you said pack a picnic . Um , we have our own food with us . And we would drive to a little country town. That’s maybe an hour away . Have a little picnic in the park and then drive home .

That’s nice . So nice . I have to share an experience , so we just moved up . Thio Park City , Utah It’s in the mountains of Utah , like , so different than Southern California . And there are a lot of restaurants in Southern California , and there’s actually a few places that were paleo I could easily order AIP . They were really good about communicating . Not a lot of restaurants , but a few . Well , here I’ve been really struggling . And so I found this little place that I thought for sure , I looked at the menu online and and I thought for sure , like , Oh , I can order You know , they had bone broke on the menu . They had , um , like sweet potatoes on the menu , like just roasted sweet potatoes . They had , like , you know , chicken on the menu . Oh , I’ll be good here . Well , we show up for date night and come to find out there’s , like , you know , some kind of a night shaped spice in the sweet potatoes . There’s some ingredients that are so not a I P in the bone broth , the chicken I can’t touch like there was not . I don’t think there’s one thing I could eat . And so I’m like , Oh , babe , go ahead and order anyway and we’ll sit and we’ll talk . Well , I was like particularly lip particularly hungry . This site , like hunger , is not a good look on me . I just get a little stay angry and so on . And I always pack my own food , you know ? Anyway , just in case . But I was like , No , I know I could eat here . Well , I couldn’t . And so we sit down at the table and he’s got his food , and I think I did order . They had , like , a rotisserie chicken . I thought I could e and then I got it and I saw and I smell like another night shape Spice like it was obvious , and so I like , literally started crying at the teach at the table like I can’t eat anything here . And my husband didn’t enjoy his food , obviously , you know , and so he’s like , Let’s go home , we’ll make you some food like , but it’s hard like those experiences happen sometimes , even if you think you do your homework and you think you can eat somewhere and you think it’s gonna and so yeah , I mean , we’ve found that . It’s just it’ss always safer if I packed my own food unless I’ve been to the restaurant . I talked to the man I know , and I know . And then if we do an activity and so that’s then what works best for us.

Especially Ive noticed with the thyroid, once you get hungry its time…because my hormones are like , uh , I’m gonna I’m gonna let you know , real quick all about being grumpy , and I feel weak , lightheaded , and so you’re sitting there and you think you’ve got food , and then when you realize that you actually don’t have anything safe to eat, it’s like , uh , just kind of wish I was home where my safe can Salmon is. So as much as there’s cross contamination , you know when you go out to eat..and I know this for a fact , because I used to work in restaurants as a chef and I’ve seen people straight up , just slapped something down where bread was just cut . I know that that’s a possibility , and it’s a real risk . It makes eating out not enjoyable when you have that fear . But as far as in your own kitchen , have you had to set me like boundaries or rules or worry about cross contamination since you said y’all are on two different diets , right ?

Yes . Oh , so at the beginning of my AIP journey , my husband’s still ate like standard American diet . He still ate gluten cross contamination , like wasn’t really , really on my radar like I was so overwhelmed with . With just Harding a happy and eliminations and not feeling well and trying Thio , figure all of it out that cross contamination . It did take a few months before it was really on my radar , and I did have some setbacks before cross contamination was on my radar . So I think it was affecting me before I realized it . Waas . My biggest worry is having gluten in the house because I am very sensitive to it . And so after some time I finally talked , you know , to my husband about you know , gluten and cross contamination , and he’s really good about understanding . Now he does . I ate gluten in her home anymore . So he travels like from time to time , and he’ll still eat gluten when he’s traveling and stuff . But now , at home , on a typical day , he eats mostly A . I P . Because I cook mostly I pee . And then when he cooks , he likes to it . Make something I can eat , too . But with that said sometimes well like ad in like some rice are red potatoes for him and the kids who make a big pot of spaghetti with the gluten free noodles for them . And and he’s really careful when he does cook non AIP . And so it’s something that we’ve really had to work on . And there did come to a point where I had to ask him , Please don’t bring gluten in the house anymore because it was an issue .

I feel you there all the way . We have a blended family , and we don’t have any children together . But my daughter has another home that she spends half her time in , and his children have another home . They spend some of their time in , and we did try . I said , we I say we I try to keep my kitchen completely gluten free because people are just getting crumbs everywhere and not respecting the very what I fought . And I still believed to be very easy rules to follow if you’re gonna prepare food in the kitchen . And I was like , This is it no more gluten ? Because there’s crumbs everywhere and I don’t want to get sick . And so I was turned into , like , the evil , which I think you go gluten free , which , um and that didn’t really go over very well with his children . My daughter is just like , okay , I don’t like the gluten free bread very much , but I’ll eat it . But I eventually I said , gluten goes on this part of the kitchen counter , and you use , you know , tin foil or whatever when you use my toaster oven and eat it way over there away from away from the kitchen . We’re good , and it still takes some reminding because I really think until you get sick , like you don’t really understand how much it can hurt and then their children . Still , you know , So they don’t understand when they eat something , and it doesn’t hurt them they can’t even imagine . But even my partner , who is he doesn’t have any auto immune disease . He he does have a chiari malformation . We discovered this year he’s been having like , nerve pain and, these migraines , these weird migraines for years . And , ah , he never knew what it was . We thought it might be multiple sclerosis , but because I cook gluten free and you know mostly AIP with my introductions when he strays from that , his information comes back and his headaches , especially gluten . And so he stopped eating it on his own most of the time . So I think having him sort of help instill that rule to , like , say , Hey , it’s not just Sam , it’s Daddy hurts , too , when he eats this stuff . So but cremation in the back of his , um , basically , his brain swells down , tore his spine . It comes out of the base of the skull and touches the spine , so that’s causing the pain . But it goes to show that , you know , eliminating gluten is not just for celiacs or people with auto immune disease . It effects all sorts of inflammation . So sorry that was my little rant My kitchen witch rant ?

But no , I loved it because it’s so true that eating a gluten free diet eating paleo a i p . It’s very anti inflammatory and that it can help so many things . My husband looks better than he ever has . Like , not that he’s ever been heavy , but he just looks like cut and trimmed because he it’s so clean and so healthy . Most of the time with that said like Hill , sometimes out here about what he eats when he travels . And I’m just like , you know , he’s his own man . He can eat whatever he wants , and I respect it up , just like inside , I kind of feel like a little cringe like Oh , really smooth . But , um , but I think you know , I I’ve been really respectful , like when he wants to eat , you know , whatever he wants to eat , you know , he’s his own man . He could do that , and I’m not gonna tell him not to , you know . But at the same time he’s seen , he’s seen , you know , you know , health improvements to because of how we eat . So diet really is incredible when it comes to living .

Well , it is . That’s a powerful testimony . Someone feeling it in their own body , you know ? And then they try and stray from that , and they’re like , Oh , now it hurts , you know ? Absolutely . Definitely . I’m glad to hear that . I’m glad that he’s , you know , mostly paleo the cave men husbands…had to add my dorkiness in there .

The little dance you did!

She can see me . I know you’re listening right now and you can’t , But , um , I subject my poor guests to my antics in my chair dancing .

I love it . I’m convinced that dancing makes everything better.

So it’s good for the abs , Especially since I’m just sitting down for most of the day.

Hey , multitasking . Right ?

Right . So , Shana , out of all of this , what do you think has been the hardest part for your husband ?

You know , I recently talked to him about this , and , you know , as more time passes , you know , it’s been a year and 1/2 since I hit rock bottom . And since you know , I kind of started the AP , and we’re talking more and more about how hard it’s been on , you know , on our marriage and on him . And as we talked , you know , I was kind of thinking he was gonna say , Oh , well , the food part that’s been so hard and he like no , like that’s in the easiest part , like that’s nothing on . And so there’s kind of a few things that have been hardest on him . And the 1st 1 is intimacy , you know , As I grew more and more and well over the years , there were obviously times where I felt too and well , for intimacy , like it was like the last thing on my mind . I was just trying to , like , barely survive . And so I think it was incredibly difficult for him to trust , especially when I was undiagnosed to trust that I really was unwell and that I was not making up excuses for not wanting to be intimate . And as much as I tried to communicate that with him , I I have my doctor telling me I was finding , you know , and so I think it really triggered his insecurity as a man and as a husband . You know , to top it off physical touches , my husband’s love language . And so it’s not my leveling , which it’s his . And so it was hard for me to understand because I’m the one feeling sick , so I know what I’m feeling and he’s feeling great . He’s filling , you know , wonderful . And he just it’s just hard understand . So I think that’s where it’s so important to communicate . And to be aware , you know , of Hiss feelings that was incredibly hard for him .

I’m sure that your husband and my partner could have a sit down and talk about that because I know exactly what you’re talking about with the thyroid issues , just by themselves , the way it makes you just feel . Or at least I don’t want to say you and generalize . But the way it made me feel , I’ve just felt exhausted . I felt in pain . I felt unattractive . My body was gaining weight and softening and spots , and I’m like , What is this ? You know . So not only did I not really feel physically attractive , I also had no , like physical energy . Just get the normal stuff . Then today and then I didn’t have the emotional energy to really give him more than just enough , You know , like I love you . Um , grateful for what you do . Thank you for being supportive . And those types of things holding his hand , maybe a back scratch . And then you add on like , I didn’t even know until this year that I have piece us and Adam I Oh , cece . So lots of pain going on a cz . Well , so you have . I don’t feel good . I feel like I don’t look good . And now it actually hurts down where people make that connection . So and he he really made the connection that intimacy , physical intimacy equals love . And , of course , it is a part of healthy relationships . But I had to tell him I would have to stop and say , I do show you that I love you , you know ? Look at this . Look at this in this in this , I do these things , You know , I leave you a note in the morning , or I’ll make you coffee when I have energy . And he’s like , he took a moment and you could tell he was like , you know , looking in space and really processing that information . And he’s like , you know what ? You’re right . And he’s like , I’m sorry . I know that it made him feel on , wants it as well , especially because in the beginning of our relationship , we’re kind of like morning rabbits . You know , the way big change . It went from one extreme and then over years , and then it went to the other , and that’s it’s It’s very hard , you know ? Yeah , and I’ve never really talked about this , but I’ll just throw it out there . There was a point where I felt so , like I don’t even want to do any of this , but he deserves love . At one point I said , maybe you should be with somebody else and he’s like , I don’t want that , you know ? But that’s how committed I felt to him being happy . I was like , I can’t do this for you right now But he didn’t go . He thought I was crazy for saying that , and things have gotten better . There still could be improvements , but it all has to do with my body , and he’s respectful . It’s not exactly where I would like it to be , but it’s improved .

Yeah , no , and , I feel the same way and I think that you touched on a point that I relate . When you opened up and you told him like maybe maybe you shouldn’t be with me . I mean , I’ve had that feeling , um , a number of times and especially , you know , as I’ve gone through the last year and 1/2 like and I’ve , you know , he’s seen me at my worst and , um , barely functioning . And then he’s seen me get my life back and rebuild a new life out of the ashes of my former life . And it’s been , ah , messy process , but a beautiful process at times . But throughout that process , you know , my mind would naturally go back to the way that we used to be in the way that things used to be in the way that our marriage used to be in the way that we were , you know , not only intimately but on other levels to used to work out together almost every day . You know , we do tough letters together and mud runs and you know , I crossed it with him at times , you know , and I can no longer do those things . I struggle with exercise intolerance . Still , it’s something I’m working on . But we lost some parts of our relationship that have been hard to try to get back . And so naturally , you know , I I start thinking like , you know , can he stay with this new version of me ? You know , I’m not the woman he married . I’m not the woman that I used to be . Um I’m very different , and sometimes I I you know , I verbally tell him that , and he he almost gets offended because he’s like , Of course , I love you . Like , what are you even talking about Like ? And I I think it’s one of the hardest parts of living with auto immune disease and chronic illness . It’s just , um it’s not only us going through it , but my man like your man , all of our men , like they have to have a front row seat and watch the person they love most in this world be so sick and hurt . And even if we’re feeling well, he just sees it’s not curable . There’s ups and downs , and sometimes we don’t see those down’s coming . And even though that roller coaster of living with chronic illness it does get smoother in . It does go . Um , you know , I don’t have those those rough days as often . It’s still gonna be a lifelong ride . And so he’s on that roller coaster , too , and he’s watching the woman he loves most in this world . Go through it and he cannot do anything . There’s nothing he can do . There’s no money in the world that he can pay to make it all go away . There’s no way he can fix it . And I know that my man and you’re a man , and probably all of our men would want to fix it if they could . They want to be our heroes . They want to be our nights in shining armors , and I think that it can leave them feeling incredibly helpless . And so I think it is . It’s incredibly important that we try to support them and be there for them as much as we need their love and support . It’s been a process to learn how to navigate our marriage with autoimmune disease , and like I said , we’re stronger because of it . But I wouldn’t say that we’re perfect at it . There are days when we don’t communicate that well . There are days when there are hurt feelings and it gets frustrating . But , um , I guess that’s like with any marriage and any kind of a relationship . There’s ways that we get through it and we worked through it . And through each setback in each challenge , we do have the opportunity to learn and to grow closer , to able to one another and to become stronger because of it . And so I am grateful for those opportunities , even though it’s incredibly difficult , are feel that the gratitude . We didn’t really ask for this , but it does make us stronger .

It’s a lifetime of maintenance . It’s a lifetime of recovery , a lifetime of tinkering because it doesn’t just go away . It’s not like you can take methylated B vitamins for two months and then you’re good .

I wish! It would be nice right? .

I honestly don’t know what I would do with myself , though , you know . I mean , like , Okay , now what am I supposed to do that I don’t have to eat sauerkraut with every meal ?

But you’d be eating bon bons , right ?

Send days of our lives , honey . Mexican food . I think I would definitely eat some Mexican food. Bon Bons , too . But , um , as hard as it is for them to see us kind of crumble in front of them , I think it’s also good because they see how strong that we are . Two . They get to see married or partnered up with a strong person . And then it’s like , Wait a minute , What’s happening ? Oh , look how awesome . What a badass she is . Cause it is not weakness . This takes some strength . It takes perseverance and a lot of soul . I’m getting teary eyed . Sorry , I get emotional and pumped up . But seriously , it’s not a weakness . Even though we might think at first that we are , I think it it’s something that could destroy a weaker relationship and completely strengthen one that’s solid already .

I know, right?

So what do you feel has been the most important tool in maintaining a healthy relationship while you manage your auto immune disease ?

So by far hands down . No doubt the most important tool is communication , like communication and communication communication , and , you know , I wish it was as easy as it sounded . Sounds , it’s not . It’s incredibly hard and , you know , having those difficult conversations is is not fun , And it it may go poorly at first . Just in an example , I kind of shared how I was trying to push through and hide Just how , how about I gotten ? Well , I finally , um , started seeing a natural path towards the end of 2017 and we started to uncover some health issues I didn’t have My Hashimoto’s diagnosis yet , but we started to realized there were some problems and so going well , going into Christmas that year , I felt pretty sick . And we had plans to celebrate Christmas with my husband’s side , the family . It was like the week prior or something . And I was about up out my rock bottom , and I remember feeling so sick , but I didn’t have a diagnosis , but I was finally learning . Look , I’ve got to slow down . I gotta set boundaries . I’ve got to communicate and , well , the day of my in laws , I’m get together . I felt so sick , and I , you know , I , like , had a fever . That that was one of my autoimmune symptoms . I had brain fog , fatigue , anxiety , um , muscle pain . I call , and then I have this symptom . I don’t know how to explain it , other than it just feels like I have a storm raging inside of my body . Like I just feel horrible . And so I finally knew , like , I need to cancel . I can’t I can’t go to this Christmas party . But I knew it was important to my husband and songs like I’m gonna push through I can get through this and then about our before we’re supposed to leave , I , like , hit a wall like I was just I can’t do this . And so I sat down with him , and it’s like one of those experiences were even when , like , it’s been a year and 1/2 . But I still remember that conversation like it was yesterday . Like I can see we were sitting in our home office like I I can see myself like , you know , sitting and , you know , like across from him and you know , the look on his face . And I told him that , you know , I told him how sick I felt in that , you know , I love him , but I didn’t think I could go . And this was , well , the first time I really had a difficult conversation with him and try to set boundaries . Like like I’m sorry , I can’t do this . And he reacted pretty , pretty negatively . And when it comes down to it , he didn’t trust what I was saying . And and I think he thought that I simply didn’t want to go to his family’s party , which was not the case at all , you know , But long story short is , you know , he was offended . We got in a fight and I ended up making myself go . And I felt horrible the whole time . I counted the hours until I could get home and back in bed . And no , on Lee , was it physically too much for me ? But the stress from the fight with my husband like , triggered , like even worse symptoms . And so I really think that , you know , stemmed from baby not communicating for so long and me not standing up for my health and me not setting boundaries in . And so looking back , I would have started to tryto will communicate those things sooner and and , you know , it took time . And that was that was the worst conversation that we had , like ever . You know , ever since that point , we’ve gotten better and better and better about communication and understanding . And it’s just been a learning process like , and that if you know , if we had a family get together , you know , today and I didn’t feel unwell , I could say is two sentences to him , and he would completely understand and lovingly support me in that situation would not happen today , but that’s where we were at that play . And so it’s just as much as I’m a different woman . Our relationship has changed a lot , too , and sometimes that process of going through a learning how to communicate and learning howto that bounder use and especially navigate chronic illness navigate a wellness journey . It’s sometimes it’s , you know , it’s not pretty , and I will say that I do have my husband’s permission to share everything I’ve shared today . He is incredibly open and supportive . He loves that , you know , I raise awareness and I share my story and you know he’s open about sharing . You know any of this because he knows that there’s other marriages and relationships and men who are going through what we’ve been through , what he’s gone through and that the more that we can open up about this , the stronger that those relationships and marriages can be . And the more that we can support our men too . So I would just say , you know , above all , communication is just the strongest tool that that we’ve needed in our marriage . I love it . It’s true without talking about these things and expressing how we feel and letting our partner nowhere limits and setting boundaries , you know , A they’re not gonna know because there might just be hiding the way we feel , you know , to live up to expectations either ours or someone else’s .

Having those conversations and you’re right , they’re not easy . At first . I think it takes a lot of practice . It takes time, patience. Ah , not just with their partner , but with ourselves that it’s okay to accept that we’re not perfect or good at this particular skill just yet . But the more we practice it , the better we’re gonna be . My partner and myself are fairly good at this by now . I wouldn’t say that this is easy . At first , though I’ve always said the night I am a very verbal , constant complainer with something’s burning , and I have set boundaries before , but I still had , like , guilt , a lot of guilt more than I should have . Well… I hate the word should… but more than I do now , Um , because I don’t like to cancel when I’m sick , you know , with friends or anything like that . But the people in my life that are still around after this whole debacle , they get it now , in the respect that and so does my partner . It’s like you don’t want to go drive to Dallas and stay up till 12:30 at a theatre where everyone’s getting drunk . Okay , We don’t have to go , so but I’m glad that Ah , I’m glad you mentioned that . And I’m glad we got to talk about these things . Today is difficult as they are . And , you know , I have my partner’s permission…just not supposed to share pictures of him. I’m so glad that we had this talk today , and I know a lot of people can relate because relationships aren’t easy when we’re not sick and they do get a lot more complicated when we are sick .

So absolutely thank you so much for having me . It’s been so fun to sit and chat and, you know , as much as it can be hard to relive some of these experiences I’m grateful for the opportunity and to sit in to chat and , well , you know , like talk about what’s helped and kind of be reminded of . Maybe some improvements I can keep making . So thank you .

You’re welcome , Shanna. And thanks again for y’all listening . I’m gonna leave those links again . So you confined . Shana , go check out her Web site. It’s gorgeous . And her YouTube Channel too . She’s lots of great AIP tips and pointers. See , I have a goal to talk more on my YouTube , but I just have all these cooking videos that have been sharing and I’m like

And they’re fabulous , by the way .

Thank you . I feel like I need to show my face more. I’m like. Okay , here’s a close up with some fried chicken .

I always love seeing your beautiful face and your smile . And you should put your dog on there too . She is so cute.

Thank you! Miss Juliet…I don’t know if anyone got to hear , but she was snoring a little bit while we’re recording because she sleeps right next to me when I’m at my desk . So I promise more face time, more dog . And you’re absolutely gorgeous , too . I wish they could see you today.

Thanks so much.

Bye Shanna.

Bye.